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次男の一周忌

平成22年4月25日(日) ここのところ、雨降りも多かった毎日だったが、今日は朝から雲がほとんどない快晴の天気。今日は次男の一周忌。本当の命日(祥月命日)は5月6日だけど、ゴールデンウィーク中にやることも迷惑かかるし、命日より遅れてもよくないので、4月25日に行うことにした。

葬儀、四十九日に来てくれた親戚みんなが来てくれた。うれしいねぇ・・・・・みんな来てくれたよ。
祥月命日が近づくにつれ、1年前のことを思い出し悲しみを新たにする日々が続いていた。女房なんかは、何度も涙したらしい。なのに・・・・一周忌の今日はそれほど悲しみが襲ってこない。きっと、いろいろ準備をして、予定通りことが運ぶように気を使っていたからだろうなあ。

年忌法要が終わり会食を済ませ、お墓参りに誘ったら、これもまた一緒に行ってくれた。うれしかった・・・。

そんな、こんなでなんとか一周忌を終えた。なぜか悲しみが襲ってくることはなかったな・・・。

むしろ 最近長男が、次男が生前楽しんでいた「カセキホリダー」というゲームを突然やりだすと言ってやるし、亡くなる直前に買ってあげた最後のDVD「ウォーリー(WALL・E)」を見るといって見だしたり(この1年まったく見なかったのです・・・・思い出すからに違いないのですが・・・・)するのを見て、長男も悲しみを新たにして、そして次男との思い出を思い出したくてしていることなのだろうなあと思った。そして、その姿を見て、次男はやっぱり亡くなったんだ。もう1年経つんだ。っていう想いが湧いてきて、悲しくなった。

次回は納骨法要かな?(まださみしくて手放せないでいます)

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